The Truth,The Whole Truth,and nothing but the Truth...so help me God!

I swore to tell it,and it very nearly got me put in jail. I appeared in court on monday and it did'nt go very well...long story short, after a brief discussion of my circumstances and my attempt to arrive at some compromise I was told "this is not, lets make a deal" by the judge. She told me that she would give me 60 days to start making current payments on my support or I could go to jail, I then told her that she "might as well just do it now" because I could'nt see any possibility of anything changing especially without a drivers licsense. She FREAKED out, and started talking to my wife who was sitting in the gallery saying "do you want to talk to him? and try to talk some sense into him" so after being offered this deal 3 times I took it and decided to go home. Shortly after leaving it occured to me that I was the only one in the court who "did'nt get it", she knows I can't make these payments...she just wanted me to "LEAVE" and NOT come back...ever! I called her bluff when I said she might as well throw me in jail now and if she really meant what she said she would've slammed the gavel down on me and the bayliff would've put me in cuffs, but she did'nt mean it, she's saving those jail spots for much more heinous offenders,not 47 year old men who're behind on their child support. I will not return. When I got home I checked the mailbox and found out that my tax return had been seized (3998.00) I thought I had hit rock bottom but I guess that must have been a ledge or something...(bounce) Recently I read something I'd like to share at this point, Sometimes when God takes things away from us (or everything) it brings us to the place where we understand that God is really all that we need, what a blessing that is! sometimes we look around and things seem scary, but I've yet to miss a meal, I still have a roof over my head,and I'm robustly healthy! and I know that God has a plan for my life and that sometimes you have to make a bigger mess before you can start to do the "re-construction", so despite all of my worldly troubles or actually because of them I want to cling even tighter to the thing I value most, HIM! What will happen next? stay tuned friends...because theres something on the way!

(I'm), "Gettin Whats Coming"...

I was awakened this morning at around 3 am, partly because of the bone-spurs in my shoulders...but mostly because this blog entry needed to come out. At the end of my last entry I said that "somethings coming", and so much has happened since then, all of it GOOD! Lets start with my license, I now have IT back because my ex made a few phone calls and poof! (also, props to my step-father) I had made a call to the state last week to try to see if I could negotiate an agreement with them as to my license and come up with an interim amount of support that I could pay. The lady told me that someone would be in touch with me within 48 hours, and they were! I talked with another nice lady (jerry lewis) and she said that my license HAD been re-instated, and so I asked her "don't we have to come to some terms as to my payment amount?" and she said "no"...It did seem rather curious to me, but they have changed the way they handle these things in Missouri since I last had dealings with them a year or two ago. OKAY...on to the money/job situation, A couple we know at our church who found out that we were having such a financial crisis just GAVE us a check for 250.00! (God Bless Them!) these are'nt "rich" people either mind you, and then, also,the husband just so happens to be considering starting a bussiness and asked me if I would be interested in perhaps working with him...theres more, I had went to talk with my banker last week about my past due bills and he was such a nice guy about everything, he told me about several ways that I could get past this situation I was in, one of the ways was to just pay the interest on my loans, thats about 1000.00 at this point, but where was I gonna get that? Something I've learned or noticed about what I perceive to be God and how he works in my life is this...he's a very "efficent" God, and he waits until several people kind of "line up" in a row, and then he'll do one thing that blesses ALL of them, know what I mean? It's really impossible for me to conceive of how He intends to use my circumstances to accomplish His purpouse, but rest assured dear reader...He Shall! He'll do something that seems to work for me, which in turn is also the answer to someone elses predicament, and etc...In the case of the 1000.00, it just so happens that my step-son (whom I "step-love") has it on his heart lately to build a house. It was my wife and I's idea that we should put our property into a trust with him as the acting manager so that just in case we were unable to make the payments he would have the incentive(or at least the option) to help us and in turn help himself as well. When my wife talked with him about the idea he seemed more than willing to help, as it turns out,he's wanting to find somewhere else to live because of his "woman problems" and so guess what, we do have an extra bedroom...OH, and did I mention that he's operating a logging bussiness here and that since I've got a valid C.D.L. he has a job for me driving his log truck. Are you feelin the urge to praise God yet? boy I sure am! can there be more still? why yes there is...and it's really juicy, get this, my mother has been very concerned about my circumstances of late, distressed is probably a better word, SO, my step-father (who also "step-loves" me) took it upon himself to contact my ex's husband and attempt to work out some arrangement as to my back support (it was also his "suggestion" that they release my liscense). He got them to agree to drop about 4000.00 and some change in back medical expenses they were claiming against me IF I would pay off the remaining 7000.00 in actual support I owe. I told him that they had recently taken 4000.00 from me thru my taxes and he said that he and my mother wanted to loan me the rest to get it paid off and that then I could go for a modification that would be more fair to my present circumstances and income. Folks, friends,lurkers,whoever you might be reading this...what I've just explained to you is a miracle, you can choose to explain it away in various ways, or perhaps minimize it's overall importance, if thats what you're compelled to do, but know this...that it's no accident you're where you are in life! Even at this moment you're here reading this wondering to yourself " Is he crazy? gee whiz, I've got problems too, boy,would I like to feel a little of that "provision of God" in my life,but it sounds too good to be true" well...the great news is that YOU CAN! Seek ye first the kingdom of heaven...and ALL good things will be added unto you! God is our heavenly father, he wants to bless all of us, but right now he's standing back watching us like my second grade teacher used to do whan she would leave the room...remember that? Back in elementary school the teacher would leave the room for something like copies or whatever...leaving the class with a project to do individually, but then after she was gone for a couple of minutes a few kids would start running around the classroom throwing paste at each other and pulling girls pig-tails (oh,was that fun!) but it never failed...at some point we would look up and there she would be leaning against the doorway with that "grim as death" look on her face...(such disappointment)justice was swift and severe, can you see the similarity to our real life adult situation? We're all children,onery, rebellious, selfish, self-rightious, children who will ALL get whats coming to us someday...but wait a minute brother Jeff, does it have to be that way? NO, friend...it does'nt, but NOW is the time to put down the paste and quit pulling those pig-tails and take your seat and get on with your work! My goodness, we've all had our "fun" and it may have seemed like a hoot to put paste into Sally's hair but do you remember how badly you felt when she cried? and how she spent the rest of the day trying to get it out? OR, do you remember the paddling you got from the principal...(that was un-pleasant) Our world is speeding toward the very same thing, Are you "gettin whats coming? or rather "who's coming"? lots of people try to make it more complicated than it is but I won't. I don't want anyone to not "get it", because we're all gonna "get it", but when I go for my "spanking" I know which book I want in my pants protecting my back-side! thats right, I think you know the one...

People...

People who need, People...are the luckiest people...in, the world!

Why is that? I thought that as people our happiness was somehow tied to our sense of independence and self sufficentcy. The truth is that YES we must all take responsibility for ourselves and our family's, but as they say "the devil's in the details." At what point do we (because of fear) throw up a wall between us and the world full of "people" who are our brethern? At what point do we say (sub-consiously), I'm just afraid to let anyone know how much I need them, afraid that they won't need me back, afraid that they'll take advantage of my feelings, afraid that somehow it will make me "less of a man" afraid that I'll look like a fool, afraid of what other people might say about me and my inability to explain why I "need" people...Thats a whole lot of fear! who could be behind that? who profit's from it? maybe it's the "other" people in the world... They're quite smug and self assured as they look upon the rest of us who in an attempt to get a need met (love) will sometimes crawl down a few dead end streets. Is there anything worse than pity? being "pitiful"...perhaps believing that you're pitiful is! I believe that it takes a whole lot more courage to crawl down a dead end street because the truth is you NEED something you believe is at the end than it does to sit on the sidelines and pity the people who are or perhaps could be wrong about it. I don't mean pity them for being mistaken about whats at the end of that street,I mean pity them for trying...for having the courage to overcome the fear and crawl if they have to instead of living your life pretending that you've "got it covered" when you definitly don't...Our enemy the devil is a liar, he's also a fear monger, he would do the unspeakable things he does to achieve his goal of preventing you from knowing love, which we know as God. Who came to this world as Jesus, who showed his love for us by carrying his cross down a street of people who jeered at him and taunted him, spat on him and cursed him, eventually dying on a tree of shame.

So, why are we the "luckiest people?"... we have needs that can only be met thru seeking the need, and thru accepting the gift of our Fathers Love...and luckily, Jesus is waiting at the end of our road, also we're lucky because he sent the Holy Spirit here to counsel and comfort us as we walk or crawl whichever the case may be.

I need people, because I love people, because my Father loves people, because I love the Father,because he first loved me...I think that makes us all pretty "lucky"...or at least it should, have you accepted "the love"?

Wilt Thou be made whole?

You mean, will you heal me? No, I mean will you "accept" the healing work that has already been done for you... In John's Gospel ( 5:6 ) Jesus has an encounter with a man at the healing waters of Bethesda. I suppose that on the surface it might seem to be an odd question to ask of a man who had been "seeking" healing for 38 years, I believe that Jesus was wondering if the man really wanted to be healed or if he was content with the wages that pity paid him.

I personally believe that our acceptance of Jesus' death on the cross is our redemption in the eyes of God,and that it was done in order to restore our right relationship with God, Who, after He created the world and man saw that it was "good," not sick,not crippled, or not anything short of perfect, Who so loved the world,that he gave His only Son that none should perish but have everlasting life! He said "everlasting" life, because he conquered death,and sin, and sickness. (which is itenerent death) How strange then that people would beg and plead for God to heal them, and not receive it...It just makes no sense! Unless we see it as our own satan sponsored fear and negativity that we've given control of our thought life,telling us the lies that prevent us from receiving Gods love and healing...essentially, we're standing in our own way, God is willing but are we "able" to get over ourselves? Thats why so much emphasis is placed on our thoughts...it's "the battleground" of the soul!

Throughout most of our lives we've been conditioned to accept attention in place of love. By our repeated exposure to our own shortcomings we come to realize our "flawedness." One of two things typically happens to us, we over compensate by becoming "ego-maniacs" and spend our whole lives terrified that someone will see us for who we really are,or we decide that our best advantage is to be "the victim" and collect the dividends of sympathy and pity other people will hand out to us. Both options are bad,and whats worse is that they both lead to DEATH! spiritual,physical,eternal, death. This surely is'nt Gods plan for any of us, "Wilt Thou Be Made Whole?" or will you believe the deceiver who comes to kill steal and destroy? will you be satisfied with the crumbs from the table of life? or would you prefer the blessings of the Father which are health and life and joy, not just for today but into eternity? Is there some way,that for just one moment you might comprehend just how much satan has already STOLEN from you? If that does'nt cause something to well up inside you then I'm not sure what will! I pray that it might em-bolden you to walk with clenched fists right up to the door marked FEAR and with one thunderous kick come thru it into what is your real life, joy, love,and relationship,with the one and only true God!

As I have loved you...

Lately I've been trying to figure out weather we're supposed to love ourselves. I mean, on the one hand it says in Gods word that we should "love others as ourselves"...but then it comes back and talks about how men (in the last days) would be "lovers of themselves" like it's a bad thing! How is it that we're this "wretch" that only the grace of God could save,but we should still love ourselves? It seems to me that if I could "love myself" I'd have a really hard time seeing my need of a savior or understanding my own "brokenness."

Our current school of psychology is all about telling us to "love ourselves" and other variations on that idea as it relates to our "self esteem." From my perspective, I can't see what it is we have to be so "self esteemed" about, can you? "Well, I'm a pretty good person" or maybe "I can do this or that better than most people", perhaps "I'm so beautiful to look at" are some of the things we base our self esteem on. In the Bible it say's that mans righteousness is "as filthy rags" and that "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God"

So then, what is the meaning of it all? How do we "love ourselves" without becoming conceited? How can we love ourselves when our sins have left a scarlet stain on our lives leaving us broken and "un-lovable?" What is it that we as Christians can say to a questioning world when asked if we "love ourselves?" I think the answer goes something like this...We can apply the idea of "love the sinner, hate the sin" in our lives, learning to see ourselves as God see's us, (with compassion). Of beginning to recognize and love what there is IN us that is Christ! It's in the reality that our only real basis for self esteem lies in the love that our heavenly Father has for each of us! I mean, talk about your "redeeming quality's" ..."well, I may be a this or a that but HEY, GOD LOVES ME! and I think that you might had oughta too! (lol) He loved me so much in fact that he sent his only begotten son to die in my place so that we could be redeemed and restored to a full relationship with Him!

I guess my biggest problem is the idea of there being any real love which does'nt originate with God...after all, GOD IS LOVE, he's the source of all love, the idea that man can "make love" is a lie thats designed to encourage us to see ourselves as our own gods...it also leads people on a prideful goose chase forever trying to nail down just what it is we're supposed to be so proud of...(pssst, the emperor has no clothes on!)

Let the redeemed of the Lord say...."SO"

Okay, "SO" what am I blathering about now? This had better be important...or at least be interesting! well, I've certainly thrown down the gauntlet to myself...SO, here goes!

Saying "SO", let the redeemed say it, to all of the things which our enemy in this life seeks to bring against us. to all of the sickness, or lack of any sort we perceive in our lives! for we have as our possession the "great pearl," that wondrous work done on our behalf at Calvary, even now! we posses it, and we shall live in the spirit and the fruit of it, denying any other "perceived" real need, selling all that we own to possess that one "pearl of great value!"

I like to try to keep things simple, "SO" what am I saying here? If what was done for us by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross is'nt enough to give us un-ending joy...then we should ask ourselves, "do I really believe it?," maybe I just didn't "get it" because if we did, I think we might realize more of the fruit of the spirit in our lives! We spend so much time focused on what we lack, or perhaps on what we want God to do for us, but how do we feel about what he's already done? IS IT ENOUGH? I would submit to you that it is, so much more than just "enough"...then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, how great thou are! Is that the song of your soul? or do you see God as some sort of "metaphysical messenger boy" who will satisfy your wandering desires you submit to him "in faith" brothers/sisters, we simply cannot expect God to bless us abundantly in our lives or hear our prayers when our attitude is "well,what have you done for me lately,or here's my list of stuff" instead of living in the joy of what he's already done! It has to be "enough" if it's not, then we have missed it, the greatest expression of love ever revealed to man, the single source of ALL power for living in victory over sin, the one true catalyst thats needed to put into action all of the wonderful things that God wants to bring into our lives. It's more that just an "attitude of gratitude" it's an undivided focus on Him that brings blessings to us! We're told to seek first the kingdom of heaven, and that the kingdom of heaven is within us, IT CAN BE,and IT MUST BE! "what must we do to be saved?" only believe, like a little child, trusting only in Him, who has plans not to harm us,but to prosper us and lift us up,drawing us unto Himself. We are called to be His diciples, to go out into the world and proclaim His truth! but friend, what sort of example are we showing to the world of what it means to have a relationship with Christ? We face a world dominated by our enemy, "SO"... we're playing without home court advantage, if we're going to be successful we must have the Baptism of the Spirit to put our enemy under our foot and show the world what it means to be "in Christ," and the wonder of our Lord's love! Lord, keep me from being a lukewarm Christian, defeated by this world,powerless against sin and the enemy, when all I have to do is say "SO"

Who is my accuser?

Have you ever had an experience that left you so blessed that you couldn't begin to wrap your mind around it all at once? I have...for the last 10 days I've been in jail. I turned myself in because there was a warrant against me for failure to appear on a contempt charge. I was in contempt of my child support order. For ten days I was blessed to be among some extraordinary people...the imprisoned. It was my privilege to listen to their stories, to share a word of encouragement, and basically just "love on 'em" for a while.

All of us have our issues in life that continue to whip us despite our effort's to change or the pain that they bring into our lives and the lives of others. When we fail to deal with our "issues" correctly, we set in motion a series of circumstances in which we will through our actions, draw to ourselves, new opportunities to "change" For some this means jail time. What I found to be so heart wrenching was that behind the grizzly stubble of the most repugnant inmate is a bewildered child who's become conditioned to being judged by people who simply by the "grace of God" aren't just like them. Whom differentiate themselves by virtue of their great success at "attempting nothing". To of been raised by loving parents, had mature adult coping skills modeled for them, only to lack the courage to walk into the "dark night" these men have walked into. Compelled by their hardwired prime directive to find love.

They say that only God can see into men's hearts, or that it's His exclusive right to "judge men"...but based on what He's shared with me I can tell you for sure that HE"S not our accuser. Instead, He is the lover of our soul's...