What Child Is This?

Having the opportunity to work around a school and "school children" has really put me in touch with a lot of my own "school days" memories, that's sometimes a good thing but other times it's not. Because of the circumstances of my own education I have a real soft spot for special needs kids or kids who just seem to fall through the cracks of the system. Any educator worth his or her salt knows that children's behavioral issues (beyond simple boundary testing) are manifestations of the circumstances in their lives that they have no other way to express other than to "act out" in the fervent hope that someone will be able to understand and "fix" the fear/anxiety producing "situation" that they're unable to verbally express. When a four year old bites and hits and causes chaos in a classroom do we simply discipline them with swats on the butt or time outs expecting that to make the scary stuff in their heads go away?





I think that in many cases that's exactly what we do...and it doesn't work



Years later, When this same child who has now been labeled a "discipline problem" develops conditions with names like "oppositional defiant disorder" or "attention deficit hyperactivity disorder" we scratch our heads and send them off to the psychiatrist for "evaluations," some get the help they need and others don't . Its these kids that don't whom oftentimes, in an attempt to get a need met, become involved with substance abuse, gang's, teen sex, or even just good old fashioned stuff like being disruptive and talking back to teachers. Sadly, conventional wisdom says that the "problem" is best handled by suspensions, expulsions, or other "bullying" techniques, (apparently, there are not enough good school counselors, I know there are many so don't write) And while I'll admit that those techniques are effective on some students, remember...we're talking about kids who have "special needs" here. Kids who have 55 gallon drums of industrial strength pain that are constantly leaking into their psyche, to whom the idea of being suspended as punishment seems laughable or absurd, or even a relief from the daily bludgeoning they receive from peers, principals, and worst of all themselves...It is indeed a very dark place.




Lets fast forward to the rest of their lives...

Looking into the face of this young girl we quickly remind ourselves that circumstances don't have the last word on her life and that sometimes they prepare us for life in special ways.

We can choose to let our circumstances get in the way of what we want to do with our lives, or we can choose not to. This is true, but few of us could summon up the necessary tenacity to see this through...

This is a much more common result of having been failed by every person who was charged with helping to produce a successfully functioning adult... A chronically underachieving person whose life challenges also include the inability to maintain long term relationships with people or hold steady jobs. They're alcoholics, drug addicts,or maybe in prison...why? because when you're young and cute and so vulnerable it's easier to garner compassion and perhaps understanding from people, but as you grow older peoples perception is basically that you ARE your behavior which is patently false. We may be much older but our techniques of self expression are at times much the same as a small child's...it also makes sense that the solution would also be the same. In the life of a child or a young adult the positive influence of even one person in they're lives can make a profound impact. When we practice "understanding" people we validate their feelings instead of beating them up for having them. Learning new more functional ways to get our needs met in this life is what it's all about...it's irrelevant how old they are or...who's child is this?