are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

When the world seems like its closing in on you and things just don't seem to be working out quite like you'd expected them to. When all of the things in life that at one time seemed so desirable either now ring hollow or are simply out of your reach. These are but a few of the harsh realities of your life that you've decided to supress because they're too depressing to think about. Am I talking to you? Are you the type that will spend they're whole life suffering in silence occasionaly acting out in wierd ways because of your supressed feelings? yes/no? or are you the type who at some point says " I just don't care about the stuff I thought I did anymore,and If I had an alternative to the life I'm leading I'd definitly take a serious look at it." If you are the former then I hope that you adjust well to the medication they put you on. If you're the latter...then we should talk. I own a small farm in the Ozarks and I have been thinking of trying to help some people to escape they're crappy lives. Am I talking about some wierd commune? NO, I'm talking about people finding some sanity in their lives. You bring what you have to work with and I'll try to help you do the rest. This won't work for everybody. You have to be willing to work for yourself and be self motivated. You would have to be resourseful and have ingenuity. You would have to value your freedom and independence above all things and be willing to co-operate with other like minded people. It sounds pretty far fetched I know, you may even think it sounds impossible. I'm not talking about "utopia" we're human beings and so we're gonna screw up...thats okay, whats important is that we learn and move on. The definition of insanity is to repeat behaviors expecting a diffrent result..If you've done about all of that you're wanting to then this could be for you...it's a nice fantasy anyway huh?

you may lead a horse to water...

And even though he's perhaps terribly thirsty, you can't make him drink. Why is that a true statement? how does it remind us of ourselves? If it is our goal that the horse should drink then the important lesson here is that you can't "make" the horse drink. Rather than succumb to our urgings and exhortations to drink, the horse prefers the smug satisfaction of knowing that despite our superior intelligence and opposable thumbs he has won! Many of us go thru life "noseless" without a nose, we decided that it would be better to cut it off than to appease the constant demands of an oxygen dependant body. My intent is to use this illustration of behavior by both horse and man as a lament of what I see as perhaps our biggest problem. Our pridefullness, our ego, our screwed up priorities and skewed perspectives. Our going thru life like the horse, so thirsty and yet unwilling to drink. Wearing blinders that prevent us not only from seeing side to side but ahead as well. We detect the stench of our dead lives and yet continue to embrace it. Life and relationships are what we make of them, circumstances are the excuses we use when we decide to quit. This is the good news, it's good because it means that we have the ability to choose, its bad, because it nullifies many peoples only means of getting people to pay any attention whatsoever to them. Like the horse, who after refusing to drink brags about his superiority while he is dying of thirst we humans rationalise our choices through the filter of our own dis-functon and choose to remain chained to the rotting corpse that we keep smelling. that rotting corpse is us.

What we value is the health,contentment,and independence we earn...not the money we are missing

I was born and raised in the city. In a suburban setting that taught me to value work over health, striving for more over contentment, and a superficial sense of control over simple independence. As I became older, I understood that I was "living to work" instead of the opposite. Keeping up with the Jones' will keep you chasing the happiness there in your tail. There are few things worse than the realization that you control.. ZIP...NADA...nothing! (absolutely that is) the proof of which comes precisly when it would've been the handiest to have had it. Don't even get me started on money! Have you ever looked into your over-stuffed wallet and felt mocked? As if your money laughs at you? Because you were fool enough to trade the only thing of value you had for the hapiness it did'nt buy.
In the 47 years I've been alive I think that I've really "lived" perhaps two. Two years of feeling as if I belonged somewhere, that I had a connection with "something" that was more than worthy of all I could invest. All things are a process and so am I ...but am I finally in a place where that can happen? It's a little bit like spending your whole life looking for a restroom. Your body tells you "i need to go" so you seek out a place where you feel safe or have some privacy and you"go". I looked for a lot of years because my mind was telling me I had to "grow". That I had to find a place where I could find "rest." and thats what I did...these are my stories, my blog is called "seeking the kingdom" because its Gods kingdom I'm seeking, and his blessings that i've found.