One of my favorite Kris Kristofferson songs, Its strange to me how I seem to connect music to every moment possible. I've done it for as long as I can remember. I was born in 1960,and I can remember what year about any song came out by remembering who/what I connected it to,or who it reminds me of. Well , enough about my idiosyncrasies. Its been two days since I've had a smoke. I'm doing really well,but then I always do...for at least a couple of weeks. My problem seems to be my fading enthusiasm for being smoke free. I can go without as long as I want,but after a while its like "whats the point"? I showed the world I could quit! I'm trying to come up with some kind of replacement for smoking,(not another addiction) I think the best one is breathing,deep cleansing breaths. Perhaps I could deal with some of the things I prefer to "pattern interupt" by smoking. Do you know what I mean? Something happens,like my wife yelling, waiting on people, where my standard coping technique is to light up and "go somewhere else". Well, I really don't need a smoke, when I've got an imagination like mine! I like to dream about situations I might find myself in. Meeting people I admire, finding a duffle bag of money beside the road,(ever done that)? It works for me. I can think about things for hours, and feel a kind of rush from it. I've been told that our brains are really dumb. If you make a conscious effort to smile, your brain thinks that you are happy and releases "happy juice" into your brain. Don't take my word for it, ask the next psychiatrist you meet. Theres something universally important about smiling. Like that CSN song "wooden ships" says, If you smile at me,I will understand...because that is something everybody does in the same,language...see I just did it again, sometimes music can be a good source for philosophy,other times it's the absolute worst! My favorite "bad " example is blood sweat and tears song, "you made me so, very happy" fact is you've given yourself permission to feel happy, based on your perceptions of an event/events concerning this person. And as long as you continue to practice this co-dependent behavior you'll end up writing sad songs about how "you've lost,that lovin feelin...whoa that lovin feelin" lol.. what really happened to bill medleys relationship? Very simply,he got tired. Tired of endless "cup filling" behavior,you fill mine,I fill your's," hey, mines not completely full...I got gypped, " therein lies the source of most sad love songs. I think I'll write a song about that, "we were co-dependent lovers,using each other to prop up our wounded ego's, but I couldn't stand to hang around your needy ass night and day. So I took a freakin break,and i tried to bake a cake,but you couldn't get your fingers out of the way." there it is,the un-varnished truth...lol I really don't think it'll be a hit.Well, but I digress (sp?) it's sunday morning, I'm not smoking,I'm very full of joy,I love my friends/family, life is very good,and set to get better (hopefulness) I'm not angry with anyone, don't really care what anyone else thinks of me, if you can't say the same then lets talk mono "e" mono sometime and try to figure out why not. wishing you a great day, ME
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